The Margarita Chronicles
by HAZMOT
Summary: The woman of SG1 decide to take a break and go out. Now will the men of SG1 join them?
1. Chapter 1

Vala, Sam and Carolyn, had finally made it back. It was not without a small injury to Vala. With her pride in hand, the two women only wanted to comfort Vala on possibly a infrequent loss.

"I don't know Vala, this may be a lost cause."

"No Sam, no, please Carolyn, you have to save it. I can't do without them."

"I'll try to do all I can Vala. Are you sure you want to save them?" Asked Carolyn.

"I can't understand how this happen. It……….I was just not watching were I was going. You should of warned me Sam."

"Well Carolyn was there too you know."

"Hey, it's been awhile since I've been on this type of dangerous mission."

"Were suppose to watch each others back."

"It wasn't our backs that everyone was watching." Said Sam.

"Well, I tried to recover. I went down, and you guys just stood there."

"Well you didn't exactly complain when you went down. We thought you had everything under control Vala."

"Well, I did, I just didn't know they were going to be a casualty."

"I think I have a solution guys. It's going to take all my skills to save them."

"Oh Carolyn, you're a genius. I'll never doubt you again." Vala hunched her shoulders and hugged both women.

"There, all done. Whew; that was close. I didn't want to go back out there too soon."

"Well, now that that's settled. I think we can continue our mission. I think we accomplished a great deal today." Said Carolyn.

"Yes, those guys didn't know what hit them." Said Vala. "I could never take on anyone without my _**Prada**_ shoes. Those heels should of held up under all that dancing."

"I don't know how you got that guy to twirl you in the air like that." Said Sam.

"I'm surprised you weren't injured instead of your shoes." Carolyn questioned.

"I am **Black Ops** you know. Sam and I can dance around Teal'c, Daniel and Mitchell if they ever come around to going out to the club with us."

"Well, we saw what a good woman can do in good heels. Those are my favorite pair."

"Well 2 clubs down, and 3 more to go. Are you game ladies?" Stated Sam, smiling at the prospect of having more fun.

"Well, I think Carolyn has fixed my pride and my shoes. So let's find out what other clubs serve those wonderful Margarita's.

* * *

A/N: Someone asked me about a girls night out and well I guess it hit a muse. So here's my little ficlets to someone's special request.


	2. Chapter 2

"Ok, who ordered the loser?"

"Vala?

"Oh, come on Sam. What was that all about?"

"Yeah Sam. I mean I had better lines in a bakery."

"Hey, that was a good one Carolyn." Said Vala. "High five."

_SLAP!_

"Well he was just being nice guys."

"Oh, yeah. _Hey blue eyes; let's ditch this place and go for a drive, cause you're driving me crazy."_

"Well it sounded nice." Sam said batting her eyes. "Ok, ok, it was lame, but he actually thought I would go for that."

"WE KNOW, WE KNOW." _giggle, giggle._

"Ohm, here comes another one, and look, he brought friends. Round two ladies. Said Vala.

1st guy: "You guys come her often?"

"NO." From all three woman.

2nd guy: "Oh, stereo. I bet you ladies love to have fun together?"

"NO."

3RD guy: "Any of you like to dance and talk later?"

"NO, BYE."

"Man that was too lame. I think they been watching to much Baywatch in repeats." Said Carolyn.

"Do men from earth actually watch that show? Asked Vala.

"They're drawn, like a moth to a flame." Said Sam.

"Well, this club is definitely lively. I don't think I see anyone here over 30."

Vala sipping her Margarita. "Your point Sam."

"I'm 30, or something."

"I saw that show in reruns."

"Vala, I mean I'm 30. I'm like the old lady here."

"Oh, please, I'm 20 or something and I don't have a show named after me."

"No, I mean, I'm 30 and the pickings are slim. I'm suppose to be in my prime for God's sake. Every time I go on a mission, I point my P90 weapon at a guy, and it's like, I wonder if he's available?"

"It must be the reaction when you point your P90 at a guys Sam. I think that's a turn off." Smirked Carolyn.

"Yeah Sam. I mean when those fly boys come in from a mission. I point my needle at them and no response. Just wide eyed staring and white knuckles on the bed. Men are so like children sometimes. Can't stand a little needle."

"I've seen your needles Carolyn. There's nothing little about them."

"Sam, there's big needles and little needles. It just depends on what mood I'm in that day."

"I'm going to definitely keep you on my good side." Said Vala.

"Ditto."

"So tell us Carolyn. Vala leaning in closer. "What are Cam, Daniel and Teal'c really equipped like?"

"Now ladies, that's confidential. I don't compare. They're all the same to me. No one is better equipped than the other male species that come to my infirmary."

"Oh, Carolyn, you have got to get out more." Smirked Sam.

"Sam's right Carolyn. Every male species I've come across have little or nothing or more to accommodate those special needs a woman likes to call, _picky."_

"Picky?"

"Yes Carolyn. You are more accessible to those women needs than any other female species has ever had the chance to explore."

"Ok Vala, I have no idea what you mean."

"Sam, care to elaborate for our good Doctor."

"She means you can tell the woman in your circle, which means Vala and I, which males are available, that have no rashes, insecurities, disease, broken bodies, and does not use male enhancements to improve their posture."

"Oh, you mean men I can fix you two up with, while knowing your good friend the Doctor can knock them out with a mere needle if the relationship goes wrong."

"EXACTLY."

**TBC**

* * *

A/N: Now guys, don't get jealous. I was writing this in dedication to my good muse friend Acer-Sigma. I was challenged on another level for another Vala and Sam friendship, and I included Dr. Lam. So thanks Acer-Sigma for challenging me to do something different. And yes, I know grammer. I'm working on it guys. Haz


	3. Chapter 3

"Damn." Sam was under the table.

"What's wrong Sam?" Vala went under to investigate.

"I think I know that guy."

Vala peered up from under the table to look.

"Hey, what are you guys doing under there?" Carolyn came down to their level under the table.

"Sam thinks she knows that guy. Hmmm; not bad form. Skinny, but you can work with it. Nice butt, oops, he turned around. Yahhhh."

Sam pulled Vala back under the table.

"You're not supposed to let him look this way Vala. I think he knows I'm here."

"Well Sam, we're under the table. I think a lot of people know _we're_ here."

"Uh, Sam, I think I hear footsteps coming our way." Said Vala a bit nervously.

Caroline, Vala and Sam all came up like periscopes to investigate.

"I told you the girls were here."

"Cam?"

"Mitchell?"

"Vala?"

"Teal'c?"

"Caroline, I………I mean Dr. Lam?"

Cam was trying to save face, _quick._

"Why Col Cameron Mitchell, what brings you out on a night like this?" Caroline was trying to unnerve him, being brash.

Sam, Vala, and Teal'c watched the exchange with amusement.

"I……..uh, T and I needed some fresh air. I………..I, we, didn't expect to see you ladies here."

"I bet you didn't." Caroline folded her arms over her chest and casually sipped on her Margarita. Matter of fact Vala and Sam decided to sip on theirs at the same time.

Teal'c tilted his head. "Col Carter, Vala Mol Doran and Dr. Lam. You are looking exceptionally well tonight."

"Why thank you muscles, and I mean that from all of us. Would you like to join us? Ow!" Sam and Caroline both kicked Vala under the table and smiling at Cam and Teal'c at the same time.

"Indeed."

"Hey, uh, we don't want to intrude on your night out ladies. Teal'c and I can find other accommodations."

"What's the matter Cam? Afraid we're going to bite?" Ow! Sam smirked while being kicked under the table by Vala and Caroline.

"Huh, no, uh, sure, ah, we can join you for a little while."

All three women moved over, sticking together, not wanting their girlish bond to be broken.

Teal'c was smiling slightly, watching the women of SG1 enjoying their night out.

"I hear the chicken wings are quite spicy here. Would anyone else like to join me in this delicacy?" Asked Teal'c; more hungry than wanting to be at the club.

Caroline and Cam continued to play eye contact and look away from each other. Vala and Sam continued to eye the exchange.

"Now muscles that sounds good. Why don't you and fly boy here, order us some and we need a refill on our Margarita's. Pink for me, blue for Caroline and green for Sammy here."

"Uh, sure, T, we need to order." Cam was nodding his head towards the bar to Teal'c.

"Would spicy or honey barbeque be sufficient?"

All three women looked at each other.

"SPICY PLEASE." All three women answered, and batted their eyes, while sipping simultaneously on their Margarita's again.

Cam smiled, trying to scrounge up a little courage. "Then we shall return ladies and the drinks are on us."

"We can't wait for your return Col Mitchell; OW!" Vala and Sam looked at Caroline.

"Okkkkkk, T, shall we?"

"Indeed." Teal'c bowed as he walked away with Cam.

"Whew, well that was weird." Caroline wiped her brown in nervousness.

"Ok, spill Caroline." Both women leaning over and smiling incredulously at their drinking mate.

"What? Col Mitchell and I just…………just admire each other on an intellectual level."

"You and Col Mitchell, alias, fly boy with a good ass, want to jump each other's bones." Vala responded.

Caroline was trying to look shocked. "Now……..now that's not true Vala. We talk all the time, regardless of his great ass; which I didn't notice……….lately."

"So we assume, that both men knew nothing of us being here, I might add……….Caroline?" Sam quirked her eyebrow a little.

"Nooooooooo, well………I might have mentioned I was going out……… maybe with some friends for a little drink or something like that."

Both Vala and Sam eyed Caroline suspiciously.

"Well I didn't know Teal'c was coming." Caroline quickly drank her Margarita in one gulp.

"I think I'm going to get me another drink." Caroline slid out from the table corner, and headed for the bar.

Vala and Sam watched her with well trained eyes. Both women looked at each other and back at Caroline. Both came to the same conclusion.

"TRAITOR."

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

"So you two ladies come here often?" Stated the very oily looking man, with bad hair.

Sam and Vala pulled their heads back and without hesitation. "NO."

"Good." The uninvited made slid into the booth with Sam and Vala, closer to Vala.

"Excuse me; we have some friends joining us." Said Sam.

"Oh, well I guess that means more for me." _Heh, heh, heh_.

"Oh, there will be more of a lot of stuff for you." Vala gleamed. "So before you're beaten to a pulp, what your name? We want to be able to notify your next of kin.

"Ewww, feisty. I like that in my women."

"Your women?" Oh no you didn't.

Vala put a reassuring hand on Sam. "Now Sam, let the man finish. After all, it's his funeral.

"Sam huh, well what's your name, dark and gorgeous?"

"Vala, that's V...A... L… A..." We still don't know yours."

"It's Robert, but you can call me Bob." _Wink, wink._

"Man, who would of thunk, **_Bob_.** Well Bob, as we said, we're not alone. And feisty, you have no idea.

"Now Sam, I bet that's short for Sammy. Don't be so hasty. I'm considered quite the catch around this club."

"Can we throw you back? And Sam is not short for Sammy."

"No matter Sam, I think Vala and I hit it off right away."

"Oh, you better believe about the hitting part."

"Ohhh, Vala you just light my fires. I have a couple of friends over there, who would like to join us. A foursome or fifthsome. We love the ladies and you two are just right up our valley of love."

"Do you actually say that to women on purpose?" Asked Sam, already annoyed.

"Oh, ladies have said a lot of things when we, you know, make it to my pad. What do you say ladies? Can my buddies join us?"

"Ohh, let me think' Sam looked upwards. "Hmm; no."

"Now I bet when you see them, you'll just be dying to let them buy you a drink. I see you like the Margarita's, seniorita's." _Wink, wink. _

Vala pulled back from Bob's embrace. "Is something in your eye there Bob? Or do you have an affliction?

"Oh you ladies are good. My friends would love you. My friends share a pad with me and we just have lots of _rooms. _If you get my drift."

"Oh, you'll be more than drifting in a few moments." Sam looked towards Vala and winked.

"Vala I think we have _**Bob**__, _all wrong here. Maybe it would be a challenge to invite his friends over and see what's so special about them."

"Huh? What……………..oh, oh, yes, we ladies are so new to this establishment. I bet if your friends join us, they will see stars."

"Now you're talking ladies." Bob waved over two more men.

"Well Bob, score one for you. We made a bet and guess who won."

"So Bob, introduce us. Said one of Bob's friends. " _Wink, wink_.

"I see that all of you have the same affliction as Bob. We'll I'm Vala and this is my good friend Sam. Let me guess; you guys just had to meet us and Bob here is the go in and get them type and you guys just follow him like a puppy dog?"

"Oh, Bob is an old dog at this. We bet he couldn't get you girls to……..uh, give him the time of day. We always lose, but Bob is the master. He can get anyone………………I mean he has a way with women."

Both Vala and Sam said in Unison. "I BET HE DOES."

All three men looked at each other strangely and shrugged it off.

"Well ladies let me introduce you to my friends. It's only polite since you've already introduced yourselves. The tall one is Mike and the other one is Bret."

"Ohhhh, I would have never guessed. Vala; would you have guessed this would be Mike and Bret? So original."

"No Sam, I would not. I'm getting goose bumps all over. I mean big goose bumps."

"So now that we've done our introductions ladies. Why don't we leave this place and go somewhere private?" Said Bob practically salivating.

"Well, Bob, like Vala said, we have friends that probably will be joining us."

"Oh, said Mike. Another lady such as yourself?"

"Oh, yes, and she loves playing Doctor." Smiled Vala batting her eyes at the 3 men.

"Bob, you've hit the jackpot. And what do you ladies like playing? Asked Bret. _Wink, wink._

Sam and Vala just smiled at each other. "Oh, we love to play soldier girls. We have green uniforms and patches. And we love to get a little rough, when we have to."

All three men looked at each other as if they found the crown jewels.

"So you like to play rough do ya ladies? Well I like to play soldier boy and tie you up and ravish you all day. I bet you love playing the damsel in distress huh Blondie? Stated Mike.

Vala sputtered her drink.

"Oh, I love to tie you up alright." Sam was smiling an evil smile only Vala noticed.

"Well let's blow this joint as soon as your friend joins us. I can't wait to be her patient." Said Bret, who was now blowing in Sam's ear.

"Whew, why your breath is so heavenly." Said Sam.

"We would like another round of Margarita's boys. Green for Sam and Pink for me. I don't think we can wait. Our friends will be joining us soon enough. Now scoot; the quicker we can get drinks the better off we'll be."

All three men quickly sat up and moved towards the bar, all three winking as they left.

"Oh, you're are so bad Vala; I knew I liked you from the start."

"Well you weren't so bad yourself. How long do you think Cam and Teal'c will wait after seeing that display?"

"Well, I think they are waiting for a signal. From what I could see, Teal'c was enjoying the show and Cam and Carolyn were just confused. "

"Well……………._klink. _Round two coming up Sam. I wonder how they will react if I told them I like wearing leather?"

_Snicker, snicker, snicker_.

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

"Well you guys are fast. And you even have our drinks right." Vala smiled her famous smile.

Bob smiling like he just found the crown jewels. "You should see us at our apartment. We do a lot of things fast." _Wink, wink._

"So tell us, Bret is it? Sam was hitting Vala underneath the table. "What do you guys do for a living?"

* * *

Teal'c grinds his potato chips even more into this mouth. Carolyn is shaking her head, and Cam just smiles.

"Not yet T, just let them simmer for awhile. Remember I get the little one."

* * *

"Well I sell cars for a living, luxury cars, and Bob is an insurance man. He can set you up with a good deal ladies. _Wink_.

Mike chimed in trying to impress Sam and Vala. "I drive a brand new tow truck. Best in the city. You'd be surprised how many stranded ladies I pick up."

"Boy, you three are just what a women needs aren't you."

"Why Sammy you're a smart girl. I bet you're a real ally cat. _Prrrrrrrrr._"

"It's Sam, Bob, and those noises will only get you in trouble." Hehehe

"Well ladies drink up. There's more drinks all around and you and Vala can drink all night, on us."

"Aren't the drinks free for ladies night Bob?" Asked Vala batting her eyes.

"Well if you want to call it that, but we'll bring the drinks around anyway. So you ladies up for another round?"

"Why Bob, I do think you are trying to get us ladies _drunk_. Hmmmm."

"Now Vala, what ever gave you that idea. We just want to be nice to you and show you a good time. Just relax and let us do what we do best."

"And what is that _Bob_? Now Vala was hitting Sam under the table.

"Why taking care of you ladies. You both look so lonely tonight. We just had to rescue you."

Now Bob was hitting Mike under the table. Bret was just trying to put his _**hand**_on Sam's leg under the table.

"Aaaaaaaaah."

"Oh, Sorry Bret, I thought something was crawling up my leg."

"God your strong; Oh, no problem, just thought you needed a little warming up."

"Oh I think I'm warm enough. Saaaay, I know what, why don't we invite our friend over and freshen up. We just love for her to meet all three of you _**gentlemen.**_"

"Oh, the more the merrier Sammy." Bret was salivating. " If she's anything like you two pretty women, we can't wait to meet her."

"She likes to play Doctor. Oh, did I mention that before. Oh, how silly of me. I must of forgot. Oh, I feel kinda sleepy. Come on Vala, we need to find Carolyn and let her meet these guys."

"Hurry back ladies. We want to tuck you all in."

All three men winked one more time before conversing about their women.

"Bob you really hit the jackpot. One for each of us, and one likes to play Doctor."

"Settle down Mike. Your going to blow it for all of us. Your to obvious."

Bret was still shaking his hand. "God she's strong. She bent my finger back. I wonder what else she likes to bend?"

**TBC**

A/N: I know I've neglected this to long. More coming.


	6. Chapter 6

"No, no, no. I would rather put on a quarantine suit that sit with those parasites. I've seen _parasites_ that were a lot more friendlier."

"Now Carolyn, where's your sense of adventure?"

"I dumped it in the toilet Vala. Cam is just waiting for one of those three to make a move and Teal'c emblem keeps jumping out of his forehead."

"Oh, I like to see that." Sam pulling Vala back.

"Concentrate here Vala. Carolyn, these guys need to be taught a lesson. They think they are Gods gift to women. I say we owe it to the sisterhood of women to kick them down a notch."

"I'm a Doctor, I can _stitch _them into a notch."

"Really, I like to see that."

"Vala, this isn't show and tell. Now Carolyn see it for the opportunity it is to show the guys that we don't need rescuing, but that we can kick ass just like them. And believe me, these guys need a good ass kicking."

Both Sam and Vala chimed in. "PLEEEEASE."

"Oooooh, alright. But I'm going to need another Margarita chase to sit with them."

Vala clapping enthusiastically. "Yes; high five ladies."

_SMACK_

"Now lets check out our weapondry." All three woman checking in the mirror. "Make up."

"Check." Smacking their lips.

"Lipstick."

"Check." Glossing their lips.

"Hair." Fluffing their hairs.

"Check."

"Breast." All checking both.

"Definitely Check." Added Sam.

"Ladies operation _**Down Periscope**_."

Sam, Carolyn, and Vala nodded together. "CHECK."

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

"Well, well, well. Look what we have her Bob. Looks like we have an exotic dancer." Stated Bret, wide eyed with anticipation.

"Why I outta……….

Sam caught Carolyn's arm before she socked Brett. "See Carolyn, I told you these guys were sharp. Can't get anything _past_ you can we."

"So the is the one who likes to play Doctor huh?"

"So _Bub_, I hear you guys like being patients." Carolyn slides in with Sam and Vala.

"That's _Bret_ little lady, and yeah, we can be anything you want."

All three men were hitting each other under the table. So were Sam, Vala and Carolyn.

"Now guys, guys, Carolyn needs a Margarita, green preferably." Said Vala. "Now which one of you would like to go _fetch_?"

Bret volunteered first. Mike seemed to be mesmerized by Carolyn. And had yet to say a word.

"Missy, I'll be right back and Mike and I can carry a couple more drinks for you and Sammy, Vala."

"Well aren't you the gentleman." Stated Sam. "And how bout a big ole basket of chicken wings. We all love _spicy_. It just makes us so hot and sweaty." Sam bats her eyes shamelessly.

_Oh, you are so bad Sam. _Vala thought.

"Go, go." Bob interjected, pushing Mike and Bret out of their seats. Vala and Carolyn both pushed up their breast at the same time.

Bob starred with his mouth wide open. "Careful Bob, there may be fly's in here and we wouldn't want you choking.

"Huh?...Uh, what was the question?

* * *

Cameron was starring in astonishment at what was taking place at the girls table. Teal'c studied the two men that left and were now at the bar beside them. Cam, slow, but finally picked up on what was going on with the girls.

Poking Teal'c. "Yeah, I hear the girls are _hot_ in here." Both Mike and Bret were nudging each other, overhearing Cam. "Yeah, see those girls over there at the table with the Margarita's. I hear they love to play _commando_ with all the guys around here. I hear one likes to show her weapons a _lot._ I wonder what kind of _bullets_ that one uses?" hehehe Cam nudged Teal'c, while slightly pointing his head towards Mike and Bret.

Teal'c looked puzzled and then picked up on Cam's notion. "Yes, I hear they are well known far and wide for their expertise in maneuvers."

"You said it brother. Those lucky guys are probably going to have the time of their lives. Well, I guess we have to find other hot momma's my man."

Bret and Mike looked back to the table. Bret ordered a tray with more Margarita's and extra orders of spicy hot wings; then left smiling to themselves.

**TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

"Col Mitchell, do you think it unwise as you say; to add gasoline to the flame?"

"Oh, we ain't done yet T. Those guys are going to be sorry they messed with our little _F troop_ over there. Sam and Vala are just setting them up. I can see it in Sam and Vala's eyes. Carolyn is just an innocent bystander in my book."

"Col Mitchell. I believe Dr. Lam to be very capable of handling herself. After all, she is the General's daughter."

"Yeah, well, if anything happens to her, Sam or Vala; two certain General's we know will be a little ticked off, not to mention a certain Archeologist."

"I do not intend to stand by and let them get hurt."

"Oh T, I think the only ones that will be hurt or those poor bastards. We'll just keep an eye on them."

"Indeed."

* * *

"Where have you guys been? The ladies have been waiting for their drinks, and I do believe they are mighty hungry." _Wink_

"Well, uh, we were ordering more wings." Stated Bret. Mike was smiling widely at Carolyn, which unnerved her even more.

"Well ladies should we dig in." Vala contributed, while Sam and Carolyn piled their plates. "Certainly you're going to join us. We just can't sit and allow you boys to starve."

"We……..ah ate earlier. We just want to serve you ladies. Dig in." Bob was smiling along with his buddies.

'Mmmmm……mmmmmm….mmmmmm.' All three women were moaning with delight, licking their fingers seductively. The more they ate in front of all three men the more Bob, Mike and Bret swallowed hard. Bob's leg was jumping and twitching. Bret and Mike kept wiping their brows watching them.

"Mmmmmm, Oh my goodness these are simply delicious." Said Vala. "Look I can pop a whole one in my mouth Sam and oooooooh…….the sauce is tingling on my lips." Vala was using her tongue to lick the sauce away, ever so slowly.

"Mmmmmmmmm……..oh yes Vala, it's so spicy and hot. I just can't get enough of them. They seem to want to stay in my mouth." Sam was pulling the meat off in her mouth and slowly extracting the bone thru pursed lips.

Caroline followed suit. "Oooooooh, yes; my fingers have so much tangy spicy sauce on them." Carolyn was licking every single finger, slow and methodically.

Bob, Bret and Mike were stunned into silence. Drops of sweat were forming on their foreheads, while each of their mouths tried to conjure any saliva left. Matter of fact, every man within table distance had stopped and watched the seductive scene of Sam, Vala and Carolyn eating spicy hot wings.

Vala looking around, realized they were affecting quite a few men in the bar.

"Ladies, I think we better go freshen up. All this sauce is making us sweaty, and we don't want to melt in front of such gracious guys."

"Why Vala I think you're right" Sam wiping her lips delicately with a napkin. "I'm sure there would be quite a mess to clean up. We couldn't bear for you nice gentlemen to _clean_ up after us, could we Carolyn?"

"Oh yes, I bet I have sauce _all_ over me by now." Still licking her fingers. "Well come on ladies, the sooner we're cleaned up, the quicker we can entertain such gracious young men."

Vala, Sam and Carolyn had realized that Bob, Bret or Mike were still watching open mouthed. While they retreated to the women's room, there was barely any movement from the bar, say the waitresses trying to take orders and annoyed at most of the male species watching the ladies of SG1 move seductively thru the women's restroom door.

After the door closed, several orders of hot spicy chicken wings ensued. Mitchell, and Teal'c watched the entire scene with amusement. Mitchell turned to Teal'c.

"Well T, round 1 for the ladies."

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

_SMACK_

_SMACK_

_SMACK_

"Oh, Sam, I never knew you were such the _temptress_. I need to take more notes. Grinned Vala

"Another high fives to go around ladies." Sam gestured.

_SMACK_

_SMACK_

_SMACK_

"Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh. I'm a doctor, what have I done. Oh my gosh."

"Carolyn, calm down. We gave those guys a dose of their own medicine, so to speak. We're just operating to find a cure."

"Vala, I just enticed those goons with my…my fingers. My fingers that soutchier up patients. I'm…..I'm a _finger slut_."

Both Vala and Sam laughed at their friend.

"No you're not." Added Sam. "We just won round one with those idiots. We need to tighten the screws. No pun intended."

"Why Samantha, what do you take us for? Vala batting her eyes.

"I'm certainly glad a certain General taught me how to fish. It's such a thrill to throwing out the line and watch the bait dangle, waiting for some dumb fish to latch on, and then wait some more as the bait bobs and bobs up and down, knowing they are about to take off with the bait. Well ladies that's exactly what we're doing. They're taking the bait and we're just waiting to yank on the line and hook them."

"Oh, I love the way you think Samantha." Vala clasping her hands together.

"Well……ok, I can't think of anything else to do this evening. And they do deserve to be put in their place. You know I do have my doctors bag in the car."

"You have a doctors bag Carolyn? In the car? You really do practice what you preach."

"Well Vala, one has to be prepared for any medical emergencies and…….

"Oh, oh, I have a marvelous ideal. Carolyn, do you have any large rolls of bandages in that so called med bag?"

"Yeaaaaaaaah."

"Vala what are you thinking?" Asked Sam.

"Oh, I think our little fishes like _bondage_ issues. Just trust me on this ladies. I'm just thinking we dangle a little more bait in front of them."

"Well what do you say Carolyn?"

"I think I'm going to need more margaritas to make our little plan work. At least I can feign being inebriated for my actions tonight, just incase I'm standing before a certain General."

Sam turned to both her partners in crime. "Ok, ladies, Operation down periscope is now _**Operation fish tank**_."

_SMACK_

_SMACK_

_SMACK_

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

All three men were still in shock, still staring at the ladies room door. Bret finally broke the silence.

"Oh my god, oh my god. Did….did……did you see what they were doing with their mouths and fingers?"

"We all saw what they did you idiot. You're going to blow it Bret."

"I want Vala, I want Vala."

"Stop it Bret, you're sounding like a child. I want the cute Doctor type: she's hot. She's so into me."

"We already know what you want Mike. The blonde bomb is mine. Off limits on her gentlemen." Stated Bob.

"Bob…….Bob, Mike and I heard a couple of guys at the bar. And they said they are the hottest girls on the planet and they like role playing, especially being commandos'. I'll take orders from all of them anytime."

_Hehehehehe_

"Yeah, these aren't any ordinary babe's." Bret was still salivating. "Did you see how they handled those chicken wings? I swear I wanted to be one of those wings in their mouths."

"We gotta handle these girls differently boys." Bob was formulating a plan. "I figure they love margaritas. So let's keep the drinks flowing. I figure a few more of those flowing and they'll be in our apartment in no time. I want them nice and loose. We are going to have some fun; lots of fun."

"Bob you're a genius." Both men were smirking. "These girls seem like pros, you think they are ladies of the night?" Bret asked.

"Nah, they dress classy. Those kind of girls make some money, and I bet they have a nice bank account too." Bob mentioned.

"Hey Mike, remember those last broads we took home. They had no clue what happened after we slipped them a little something in their drinks. I bet their still walking around, wondering what happened. We left them so far out of town, they'll never get back."

"Yeah Bret, they were so stupid. I like stupid girls. Hey go order some more drinks. The time they get back, we'll have them eating out of hands, and we can blow this joint and do some maneuvers." Hehehe.

"Alright boys, we have our work cut out for us, and we are not taking prisoners."

"I knew if Mike and I stuck with you Bob, we would hit the jackpot one day. Man we are the luckiest guys around tonight."

_Hehehehe_

_Hehehehe_

_Hehehehe_

**TBC**


	11. Chapter 11

"So what sort of action are we going to see this time Vala?"

"Well if their _spineless scum_, as you Tauri put it, they've probably already put something in our drinks."

"You think they would sink that low?" Asked Carolyn.

"Believe me, they are the type that need all the help they can get when it comes to women, and I know the type." Vala brushed her hair back.

Sam crossed her arms and smiled. "So what low, scheming plan do you have in that little pirate head of yours Vala?"

"Just follow my lead ladies. We'll have them bagged and tagged before the nights over, and put in for a few more margaritas to go."

Vala looked back in the mirror as all three women adjusted themselves. "Oh gorgeous is so underrated ladies."

* * *

"Hey guys."

"O'Neill and Daniel Jackson. We were not expecting your company."

"Well actually I'm here for a conference and found Danny boy at his usual ole dusty desk and found out that everyone was out on the town. Need I say more."

Daniel chimed in. "Actually he was looking for a certain Colonel and dragged me along."

"I'll bet Jackson." Cam smirked. "Anyway, have a seat. The second show is about to begin."

Daniel and Jack, both looked around and were confused. "I didn't know this was a classy place." Stated Jack.

"It's not, it just became that an hour ago. The drinks are on me and place your attention at the ladies room."

"Col Mitchell is correct. We are but small players in the theater of life."

All three men turned and starred at Teal'c.

"Oook. Anyway, we heard that Vala went out tonight and that Sam and Dr. Lam may be in the proximity. You guys wouldn't happen to know their whereabouts do ya." Mentioned Jack.

"Oh, we would just rather you keep your attention to those three men at that table." Cam motioning his head.

"Indeed O'Neill and Daniel Jackson. I suggest you order your hot wings early. There may be a long wait for them."

**TBC**


	12. Chapter 12

"Cam, Teal'c, Daniel and especially Jack watched Sam and her entourage seductively walk over to the table of the so mentioned men. Only Daniel and Jack had their mouths open.

Cam chuckled. "Round two, second act coming up boys. Watch and learn gentlemen….watch and learn.

* * *

"Ladies, ladies. We almost sent someone in after you. We thought you ladies might of fell into the toilet."

"Oh, you _smooth_ talker Bob. How considerate of you to worry about us. We are so lucky we are _sooo _protected by such brave men, ah girls?" Vala hunched her shoulders and slid easily into the booth.

Bret moved the margarita closer to Vala. "Drink up sweet lady. I don't want you to go thirsty from eating all those delectable chicken wings. I bet you can drink me under the table."

"Brat is it?"

"Bret…Bret baby. But you can call me anything you want."

_Idiot, cretin, barbarian, the butt of a dog._

"Oh I think I can think of a few things. But Bret tell me, do you like to play games?" Vala used her most sultriest voice.

_Is that Daniel?_

All three men at the table were thinking one thing.

_Bingo!_

"Well I don't know about the rest of the guys. But I do like to party. Close encounters are my specialty."

_I'll bet._

"Well my companions and I would like to do a little experiment, if you get my drift."

"Vala's right. We do _everything _together and for one another." Sam sat back and heaved her chest ever so slightly, exposing her cleavage.

_That's right, take it all in boys; take the bait_. _Is that Jack?_

Carolyn understood what Vala and Sam were reeling them in. She knew a little about fishing too. She tossed her hair aside, and used her foot to slightly brush against Mike under the table.

Mike's leg hit the table, causing the table to jump. _Oh, baby, I am so into you. _Mike pushed the margarita towards Carolyn.

"Well ladies drink up and we can move this little experiment to other levels at our place, hmm." Bob pushed another margarita towards Sam.

Vala embellished her words at Bret. "Well _darling_ we aren't all that thirsty for drinks anymore. How about we get you some drinks for a change?"

_Damn _

_Damn_

_Damn_

"Ah…..ah sure ladies." Stated Bob. "How about we'll have the same as you ladies. We don't think margaritas are girly drinks; soooo why don't you ladies get us a round and we'll move on from there?"

"I like cozy Bob." Sam using her finger to slide down Bob's nose. "We'll be right back. We have something real special for you guys, especially you Bob."

Both Daniel and Jack tilted their heads to the side. _What the? _

**TBC**


	13. Chapter 13

"I know I'm going to regret asking this, but I am me. What was that _Carter_?" Jack scrunched up his nose, which Sam was loving.

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch your _name_. My friends and I are here for some Margarita's."

"Oh, really; just margarita's huh. And I suppose those goons at that table are just interested in licking the salt from the glasses."

"Actually that's not a bad ideal. There's a trick to………

"Vala now don't you start."

"Oh, now guys, we aren't starting anything. We were just having a nice time at our table eating a few chicken wings and all of a sudden were not alone anymore."

"Vala?"

"And who might you be tall dark and geeky?"

"Valaaaaaaaa."

"Tsk, tsk, I do believe we have competition."

"What?"

"Jackson, you better wait until the show is over. The first act was a doozy and I won't look at chicken wings the same way ever again. Matter of fact, no one in this bar will either."

"Indeed Gen O'Neill and Daniel Jackson. There has been a increase in chicken wing orders since Col Carter, Dr. Lam and Vala Mol Doran have arrived."

"Dr. Lam, I thought I would never see such actions from you. What would your father think."

Carolyn folded her arms across her chest. "I'm sorry; when was your last _check up_ General?"

"Oh, that was a low blow Doc."

Daniel moved past Jack to Vala. "Vala what is going on?"

"You know if you keep asking questions like that darling, you'll never get an answer."

"Why are you with those guys? Cam and Teal'c are here. They should be looking out for you guys."

"Oh, and we're are so helpless that we can't take care of ourselves." Vala's eyebrow arched slightly.

"Nooooo…….I mean _yes_."

"Well it's that kind of thinking that makes _snakes_ like them, seem like nights in _shining_ armor. Now if you will excuse us; we have some margaritas to deliver."

"But……..but……..

"Ladies we have a _winner_. At least slightly intelligent conversation won't be entirely lost on hooey doey and loey."

Sam commented. "You have got to stop hangin with Cam Vala."

"Heeey. I'm standing right here."

"Sam I think we have given some incentive for one of our charming guest to come over." Vala nodded in seeing Bob coming over to the bar.

"_Oh brother_."

**TBC**


	14. Chapter 14

"Well Sammie, is there a problem with getting drinks. I thought you might need some help."

_Sammie? Who is this jerk? Jack thought_

"Why no Bob, we were just chatting with these nice gentlemen. They were asking for directions."

_Directions my ass. Thought Bob_

"So we take a left at the end of the street and on until sunrise? " Jack interjected.

"Why yes, that's absolutely right."

Bob stepped in between Jack and Sam and put his arm around Sam's waist. "Well these fine ladies are with us." Nodding towards his table. "So I guess I'll rescue you from these lost guys and get back to those drinks."

Sam was cringing. "Sam, why don't we invite these lost gentlemen to our table. After all, the more the merrier." Said Vala.

"What?.......Uh, I mean, there isn't enough room ladies. I think these guys can get going, since they now have directions."

"Well now, how could we turn down such an beautiful invite." Stated Jack.

"Indeed."

Bob looked up at Teal'c. _God's he's a big fella._

"I'm in." Cam answered."

_Who the hell are these guys? Bob was getting nervous._

Carolyn thought about her medical bag in the car. _Oh, I'm going to need a lot more bandages after this is over._

Daniel interrupted. "Well since, Sam is it? I think it would be nice to join Vala, is it? To your table for a little drink. Margaritas is it?"

_Good one space monkey. Good one. _

Brett and Mike were looking at the bar, curious as to what was transpiring.

Vala grabbed Daniel's arm. "Well shall we; I say, you are so muscular glasses, what is it Daniel?"

"Well I got this little lady." Cam grabbing Carolyn's arm, and patting it.

Jack moved to the other side of Sam and grabbed her other arm. "Well Sammie; fasten your seat belt. I think this is going to be a bumby ride."

_If you two don't stop calling me Sammie._

"Indeed."

Bob watched as the other men moved towards his table.

_This is bad. Very bad. Who do these guys think they are?_

Teal'c, Daniel, Cam and Jack grabbed extra chairs on the way to the girls tables.

Both Brett and Mike's eyes widened with confusion with the same thought. _Now what's Bob gotten us into?_

"Look Brett." Vala squeezed Daniels arm, while batting her eyes. "We found some nice boys to buy us extra drinks. I'm sure you don't mind. Now scoot over."

Brett annoyed at seeing Daniel, begrudgingly scooted over.

"Mike this, uh, Cam is it?" Carolyn introduced.

"Yep."

"Cam's been at the bar all night, all alone. His friend loves chicken wings and I bet he'll order up a nice big batch for us. Isn't that right Mr. T?"

"Indeed."

Mike looked up. _God he's a big guy. _

Bob finally arrived with Sam, and another person on her arm. Mike and Brett shot Bob a dirty look.

"Uh, I guess everyone has been introduced. These are my friends and we were, uh just entertaining the ladies. We weren't expecting company. So are you guys on your way out of town?"

_Better be soon._

"Well we were asking the big guy and his compaudre' for directions, but these here little lady was so beautiful, I just had to ask her for directions. She was just so kind to direct us." Stated Jack.

_Hehehe, you idiot._

"Well Bob and the guys were interested in a little experiment with us girls." Sam was batting her eyes. "So why don't we finish up here and all go to Bob's place. Like Vala said; the more the merrier."

_No_

_No_

_Crap_

Vala was clapping her hands together happily. "Oh that's sounds exciting. All you men to all us girls. Oh, think of the possibilities."

_Oh yeah. Lots and lots of bandages. _Thought Carolyn. _Lots of bandages. _

"Sam, Carolyn, I think we need to _freshen _up again. With all this testosterone around us, I'm just positively sweating."

"I agree Vala." Sam brushed her hair back. " If you gentlemen will excuse us. We'll be right back."

All the girls moved to the ladies room, with one last look back at their table. Waving to all the men.

_Oh, this is good. _Thought Jack.

_I can't believe I'm doing this. _Thought Daniel.

_Oh, God, Carolyn is hot. _Thought Cam.

_Where is the waitress? I would like some more wings. _Thought Teal'c.

_Bob, Mike and Brett thought of one thing._

_CRAP!_

_CRAP!_

_CRAP!_

**TBC**


	15. Chapter 15

"Soooo, you guys come here often?" Jack asked.

_The girls must be laughing their asses off at these guys._

"Ah, yeah, we're regulars. So were you guys headed?" Asked Bob.

_Hopefully out of here and away from our table._

"Well, here and there. I heard this was a very popular bar. I'm glad we stopped in. That Sammie is a real beautiful lady."

"Uh, yeah; by the way she's with me."

"Oh, I didn't see any ring on her fingers. Seems to me she's pretty independent women. Don't think she needs anyone to choose her."

_You Lout__._

"Well, independent or not. We saw them first."

"Oh, really. Do they know that?"

"Oh they do. Matter of fact, we were on our way out with them; right Brett, Mike?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"Hmmm, well why don't we see what they want instead. After all we were invited by Vala to have a few drinks; margaritas was it.?

"We can order our own drinks, thank you." Brett announced.

Cam interrupted. "We'll it looks like somebody ordered a bunch of margaritas. Are you guys planning on drinking any of these, cause I'm thirsty."

"Ahh, no…..no, these are for the girls." Mike said nervously.

"Well I bet they won't mind me taking a little sip."

Bob moved the three drugged drinks away from Cam. "Nope, wouldn't be gentlemen like to drink someone else's drink."

_Especially when we saw you put something in them, you morons._

Mike looked a little closer at Cam and Teal'c. "Hey we overheard you say something about these girls. You've been here before I bet."

"Well, we don't like to brag. But Mr. T and I are sort of hoping to catch some action."

_Seeing you trounced by Sam and Vala._

"Hey Bob….. Cam and Mr. T is it? Yeah, they're alright. Say, how come I haven't seen you two around before? Asked Mike.

"Well we get around. The big guy has a thing for chicken wings. Seems to me that you guys do to. We saw how the ladies handle their chicken wings."

"Indeed. The spicy sauce is most exceptional."

_I must get the attention of that waitress. She continues to ignore us._

"Ah…yeah. So do you two know about…….you know, their special talents?"

"Excuse me." Daniel wanted to ring their necks. "I don't mean to interrupt. But what are we talking about?"

"You have to excuse my friend here." Jack cut in. "He's rather new to bars and such. He doesn't get out much. This is a new experience for him, women and all."

Brett nudged Daniel. "Well buddy, you've come to the right place. Bob is a master at charming women. He's taught us a few things and more."

_Yeah, how to be indigenous pea brains._

"Well it seems, Cam is it? Can teach us a few pointers. So you know about these ladies….huh. Can you ah….clue us in on a few things on them?"

"Yes Cam is it." Jack commented. "Tell us a few things about these ladies. I'm all ears."

"Well, I hear they like to play _Commando_, and one I hear likes to play the _Doctor_. Imagine being hurt by those women and saved at the same time."

_Yeah_

_Yeah_

_Yeah_

"Oh yeah, you guys are like inside information. So would you guys be interested in……..sharing the events for the night?" Brett was practically salivating

Daniel, Jack, and Cam had the same thoughts.

_That's right, drink it up you idiots. Sam and Vala will be plastering you guys all over the pavement tonight and Dr. Lam will be scrapping you up._

"Are these events in partaking of the spicy wings?" Teal'c inquired.

Brett addressed Teal'c. "You're not from around here, are you?"

Jack smiled. _You have no idea buddy._

"I am not; however I deem the women that you are with are not as they seem. I believe them to be more than you can handle. If you excuse me I must put in an order."

_What?_

_What?_

_What?_

"Your friend their Cam, seems to be a bit of a mystic, huh?"

"Well, a bit of advice Brett. Just don't talk about removing his hat. He's real sensitive about that. I've known him to almost tear a guy's limb off after pointing to his head tattoo. It was not pretty."

"Uh, yeah…….no looking at his head, got it." Brett looked at his buddies with a cautious look.

"So getting back to the girls. We had plan on going back to our place. I think we could have some real fun with them. Vala and Sam are pretty hot. Carolyn's kind of a tease, if you know what I mean." _Hehehe__._

_Oh, you slime ball. Thought Cam._

_I'm going to enjoy Sam beating you dirt bags. Thought Jack._

_Vala you better beat the crap out these guys, or I will. Thought Daniel. _

"I've got some happy pills. I always have a plan B, if the ladies don't, you know…. respond quick enough."

Jack was disgusted even more. Feigning a smile. "Why you sly dogs. No wonder a women would want you." Hitting Bob in the arm, like a comrade.

_Man this guys strong. _"Well it's a little insurance for the evening. Brett and Mike like to make sure the ladies have a night to remember…….._snicker_. NOT!" _Hehehe_

_Unbelievable_

"So what do those happy pills do?

"Well Daniel is it? Yeah, well they make women a little more happier when the time comes for a little action. I personally make these up myself. I was a little bit of a chemist in college."

"So they're drugs?"

"Hey keep it down; we've kept that a secret. But I see you guys are ok. We just want to share the looove."

_Oh, you'll be sharing alright. Mostly hospital beds. _

Jack gave Daniel a look he does during missions. 'Don't interfere, just play along.' Daniel knew that look, so many times.

**TBC**


	16. Chapter 16

"Sam…Sam." Vala was pulling on Sam.

_Heheheheh_

_Hehehehe_

"You…………you've got to get off the floor. You to Carolyn. I……….I can't breathe... can't breathe."

_Hehehe…….woo_

"Let me……….let me lay here for a moment."

"Darling you don't know what's been in here."

"I………I can't believe you said that Vala." 'Why don't we all go to Bob's place; the more the merrier.'

"God Vala; I thought I was going to pee in my pants. I would have had to sit there for the rest of the night in my soiled pants."As Carolyn slowly pushed herself up to a sitting position against the wall.

_Hehehehe……gosh._

"Oh Carolyn, you should of seen Bob's face when Jack took my arm. God it was priceless." Sam was still reeling on the floor.

"Well _my Daniel_ certainly surprised me by showing up in the first place. He really has become more muscular. I have to start watching his workouts."

"I swear I saw Cam's hair go up a notch, just watching those idiots squirm." Stated Carolyn.

"His hair goes up?"

"I'm a Doctor, and I physically don't know how he does it Sam. It's like General O'Neill; his ears move back and forth when he's teasing you."

"His ears?"

"Yep; I've seen him Sam." Vala chimed in. "Every time he comes to see you, and yes we all know he likes you, his ears have this little twitch. Believe me; every time he addressed Bob, his ears were twitching, a lot."

"Really."

"REALLY." Vala and Carolyn both commented simultaneously.

"Well, ok, but anyway, what about Daniel. I swear I've never seen him so intense. I thought he was going to blow a gasket just sitting there. His nose kinda crinkles when he's annoyed."

Sam imitating Daniel and his crinkled nose.

"I'm well aware of that crinkle Sammie. He does that usually at me. But at least it was directed at Brett. I swear the boob had a hard on everytime I sipped my drink."

"Pleeeease don't call me _Sammie_." Sam put her hand over her face. "But did you notice how all three of them kept trying to shove those margaritas at us. They are so obvious. They really do think we are idiots." Stated Sam.

"That's the beauty of it Sam." As Vala put her arms around her comrade. "They don't know we know, so we keep on showing we don't know, when we actually do know, what they don't know we know."

Carolyn looked slightly confused. "Well……I think I know what we know. But do the men know we know, that we know, what they think we don't know?"

"I think they know Carolyn, what we know, but won't let on what we know."

Just then a waitress came in.

"Hi, you ladies do you know those three guys at your table before those other guys joined you?"

"No, but they invited themselves to our table; why?" Asked Vala innocently.

"Because we've all been hit on by those three, and they have a reputation of trying to bed every woman in the bar."

"We found that out. Thanks though for the heads up." Stated Sam.

"Well they also like to get women drunk and we don't see the same women with them all the time."

"We figured that one out too." Vala smirked.

"Well, those other guys that joined you don't seem bad. They were really nice to all the waitresses when ordering. I'd say stick with them, not Bob, Mike and Brett. Oh, they make me so mad; I can't stand to wait on them."

"Well we'll let you in on a little secret. We plan on teaching them a lesson, and those other guys are our friends. So keep it under your belt honey, and tonight is every women's night for revenge." Vala smiled her most devious smile.

"By the way, I think one of the girls saw Bob slip something into your margaritas."

"WE KNOW." All three SG1 women answered.

"You know?

"OH YES, WE ALL KNOW."

"Do your friends know?"

"We think they know, what we know, but they're not letting on that they know, we know." Vala stated.

"Well, as long as you know they think you know, then I'll know that you know, and tell the others girls, you know, they know."

"Well, I've got to get back to serving. I do have one question though."

"What's that?" Sam interjected.

"Is the big guy with you dating?"

"NO." All three women stated quite fast.

"Well, I think he's kinda cute, in a big Teddy bear kinda way. He seems really nice. Could you put in a good word for me?"

Vala moved over to look the waitress over. "Darling he has a big appetite. So keep feeding him those chicken wings, extra spicy. You'll have him eating out of your hand."

The waitress smiled back. "I know….I know." And she left.

Sam shook her head. "You are so baad Vala. So bad."

"I know darling……….I know."

Sam fixed herself. "Well, let's get back to the table. I want to see Bob squirm a little. I have a feeling a certain General is in _prowler _mode. And Mike and Brett are going to be sorry that they messed with us."

"Absolutely ladies….absolutely." Carolyn fixed herself also.

"We are a force to be reckoned with Sam…Carolyn." Nodding her head to both women. "I think it's time to make them feel the heat. Carolyn, do you carry tranquilizers in that medic bag?"

"Why whatever do you have in mind missy?" Sounding like Cam in his southern accent.

"Oh, Carolyn; you really have been spending too much time with Cam." Sam smiled.

"Well, I think a little trip to a certain planet that looks a lot like, what do you Tauri call a very hot planet down under?"

"Australia?" Carolyn interjected.

"Noooo. I mean what they call in Daniel's books, about Greek mythology. You know; the one Xena is always mentioning."

"Xena? Oh, you've been hangin with Teal'c again, haven't you Vala."

"Hey, she can kick butt Sam. I thought you would appreciate such women warriors in history."

"There is no history of…………oh, never mind. I think the word is Tartarus or Hell."

"Yep, that's the one."

"Now Vala, my father would never let an unauthorized trip to another planet, especially that are non SGC personnel."

Vala smiled that Cheshire cat smile again. "He would if he found out they tried to drug his little giiiiirl." Vala purred, putting her arm around Carolyn.

Carolyn smiled back. "That would work."

**TBC**


	17. Chapter 17

Carolyn was on her cell phone in the ladies room. "Hi Daddy."

"Daddy?…….daddy? Since when does the Chief Medical Officer of SGC call me daddy?"

"When the head Doctor needs has a _darn_ good reason to."

"Uh huh."

_Giggle_

_Giggle_

"What was that I heard?"

"Oh nothing daddy, just the music in the background.?

"So what does my _only_ daughter need to call me for in the middle of the night?"

"Oh, daddy you're so suspicious. Can't a girl call her father once in awhile?"

"What did you do young lady?"

"Now dad, what makes you think I've done anything? I mean I am 29, and a capable adult."

"29? Whispered Vala and Sam.

_Shhhhh, guys_

"You're 30 Carolyn Boviea' Lam, and as surprising as this call may be, I know you are off base with Colonel Carter and one Vala Mal Doran."

_Man he's good._

"Hellooooo, Carolyn; are you there?"

"Dad says hi ladies."

"Hello Sir." Sam answered.

"Hello General, were just out……….

"Not now Vala." Carolyn miffed.

"Huh, Oh, yeah dad. I have a favor to ask, you know, kinda of a small favor."

"I'm…….. listening" Landry yawns.

"What would you do dad if some slime balls, somehow, tried to, oh say drug a certain elite group under your command, and wanted to take advantage of them after being drugged?"

_Giggle_

_Giggle_

There was a short pause. "Dad…….dad?"

"Would these slime balls deserve punishment, by this elite group under my command?"

"Oh yes daddy; oh yes they would."

"Ok, and what would be this little favor?"

"Go on, where right behind you Carolyn." Sam nudged.

"Yep, right behind you darling." Vala winked.

"Well there's this little planet, that Sam and Vala know of that has, well the appearance of hell, and we thought we could let them pay a little visit, you know to teach them a wee bit of a lesson."

"Carolyn, now you know that………..

"Daaaaad, they tried to drug us, and who knows who else they've done that to and I'm your daughter. Now have I ever asked you for anything; so please."

"Yes pleeeease?"

"_VALA_." Carolyn and Sam smirked.

"Ok….Ok." Vala huffed.

"Carolyn, I'm sure Colonel Carter can tell you, it's not protocol to have unauthorized civilians go thru the stargate. Do you know the problems that could arrive if they were harmed in any way?"

"I have tranquilizeeers." Carolyn hummed.

"Carolyn."

"Daddy."

"Carolyn?"

"Tell him about the mind device used on me. Ask if we can borrow it." Stated Vala.

"Borrow it?" Landry responded.

"Dad heard that Vala."

"So…….yes or no?"

"I know Colonel Carter is there, so let me speak to her."

"Dad wants to speak to you Sam." Carolyn pushed her cell phone towards Sam.

"Me, ah, why?" Sam backed up.

"He's my dad, and he's a General. Need I say more missy; here." Handing Sam her cell.

"Hel…..hello Sir."

"Colonel Carter, is my daughter drunk?"

"Nooooo, I mean no Sir. We are just out for the evening and….and these deplorable men wanted to drug us and have a their way with us."

"Oh, good Sam, why don't you just call him _daddy_ too." As Vala folded her arms.

"Colonel Carter, Vala is there too, isn't she?'

"Yes Sir." Sam said timidly.

"Let me speak to her."

Sam handed Vala the phone. "Vala is Colonel Carter and Carolyn drunk?"

"Oh, no General. Believe me I would know. We just want a little revenge and that's it."

"Well why didn't they just say so?"

"Kids, what can you say General." Both Carolyn and Sam sneered at Vala.

"I have a better ideal. Why don't I just pay a visit to whatever bar you're at, and maybe we don't have to use violence or memory loss."

"Why General, are you volunteering to join us plan our little revenge?"

Both Sam and Carolyn are shaking their heads vigorously no.

"Yes, now give me the address."

Carolyn and Sam are still shaking their heads, along with cutting their throats to Vala. "555 Washington St."

"Good, I'll be there in half an hour. Make sure you save some wings for me."

"Yes General, will be more than happy to, bye."

Sam and Carolyn just glared back.

"What?"

**TBC**


	18. Chapter 18

"What were you thinking Vala?" While Carolyn took back her cell from her.

"What? He volunteered to help us. I think you underestimate your father Carolyn."

"What do you think will happen when he finds the other half of our team here at the bar?"

"Oh Samantha you worry too much. Now girls, did you forget our mission?"

"NOOOOOOOOO." Answered Sam and Carolyn.

"Well then, it's at our advantage that the General show up. I'm sure the guys will catch on, like they already have. Plus, let Brett, Mike and Bob sweat it out a little while longer. Remember; leave them something to remember you by, and make them suffer because you want them to."

"You just made that up." Said Sam.

"Yep."

"So what do we do until my father arrives?"

"We have a cell phone Carolyn. We call our favorite waitress and order some margaritas, hmmm."

"Vala, you are a genius." Stated Sam.

"I know darling…….I know."

* * *

Jack, Daniel, Cam and Teal'c were sitting, starring at Bob, Mike and Brett. Teal'c was enjoying his wings, when Bob was getting uncomfortable.

"I wonder what's taking the _women _so long? I think somebody wants this table."

_Women?__……._ Jack, Daniel and Cam thought.

"What's your hurry Bob. You know how _women_ can be. All that makeup and all. It's what they do you know; makeup."

"Yeah man." Cam smiled. "Those _women_ are probably prettying themselves up, just for us." Using his southern drawl.

Daniel pushed his glasses up on his nose, checking out Brett, who he noticed seemed to be zeroed in on Vala.

"Those _women_ seemed real happy that we were here. Almost like they were trying to get away from you guys."

Both Jack and Cam gave Daniel a almost menacing look.

_Space monkey what are you doing_? Jack thought.

_You better not blow this Jackson__._ From Cams point of view.

Mike chimed in. "I don't think so. We were on our way _out_ for a interesting evening before you guys showed up."

"Yeah."

_Good comeback Brett. I don't know why we even let you hang with us._ Bob thought.

Jack leaned in. "What my good friend here is trying to say, is they seem to spend a lot of time in that there ladies room. When they should be spending more time with all of us." Hehehehe.

"Indeed." Said Teal'c. "Most peculiar." As Teal'c continued to eat and throw wings he finished to the side.

"Well, as my friend stated." Bob leaned back in his both, looking cocky and confident. "We were going to invite you to an interesting evening with the girls, but why don't we just leave you to yourselves, while my buddies and I go elsewhere for enjoyment with our women."

_Possessive, aren't you, you little twits. _Jack exasperated. Jack looked up to see a familiar face walk in.

_Is that Hank. In a suit. Who are those guys behind him?_

Cam, and Daniel saw a funny look on Jacks face and use their peripheral vision.

_OH CRAP_!

_Oh Brother._

With years of missions with O'Neill. Teal'c saw the subtle movements of Jack.

_Ah, General Landry is in a suit. He must be out for the evening_.

General Landry approached with his entourage in black suits and ear peaces.

"Ah Jack, thanks for the heads up. I see you found their marks."

SG1 was a little confused at Landry. Jack decided to wait and see where this was going.

"Ah, right Sir. Ah yeah, found their marks."

"Good job men. Daniel, Mitchell and……..

"Mr. T." Jack quickly chimed in.

"Yes, you too Mr. T. It looks like we arrived just in time." Landry spoke with authority.

"In time." Bob answered. "Who are you? And what do you mean in time? You know these guys?" Pointed at Jack first.

"Yeah, what's up with the suits?" Asked Brett. Mike sat silent, intimidated by Landry.

"Spread out men, we have live ones for once. Jack you and your men should of known not to take them on alone."

"Wellllll, Sir, you know me." Said Jack smiling.

"Yeah, I do. Well where are they? Do you have visual on them?"

"Ah, there in the ladies room Sir." Said Cam. Cam had no idea what was going down, but played along.

"Yeaaahh, Sirrrr, in the ladies room." Pointed Daniel.

"I hope you gentlemen are thankful for these men rescuing you. We're going to need to relocate you and the usual thorough replacement to other areas. We can't have them coming after you."

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND THEM? WHAT'S GOING ON." Bob asked quite irritated.

"Keep your voice down young men. They'll hear you. I don't want this to get messy. We have a van outside to relocate you all. New identity, new clothes. Were going to have to burn your clothes, give you thorough exams for identification, if there's any trouble. I'm just glad we got to you before they did." Pointing at the ladies room.

Brett and Mike looked nervous. 'Wha…….what do you mean new identity? And…….and, know one is giving me anything; rectal or otherwise. What's going on here?"

"You didn't tell them Jack? How could you be so cruel."

"I know Sir……..I know. We were just keeping an eye on these fellas. We just got here ourselves before anything happened."

"I see. Well the Doctor obviously had no chance to drug you. Good thing to. We would have had a hell of a mess to clean up. One maybe, but three."

"Will you please just tell us what's going on? I'm getting tired of these riddles. What so special about these girls" Asked Bob.

"These girls?" Landry raised an eyebrow and leaned into the table.

"You better hope and pray son, they don't get out again. Especially the Doc."

"The Doc? Mike really was getting nervous.

"Yeah, the Doc. She's probably playing with you, until she gets out her _Doctors bag_. What she did to that other guy she called her _**boy friend**_."

"Could you fill us in Sir, ah, on that case." Asked Daniel, still curious as to what Landry was doing.

"Well it wasn't pretty. We finally found that last part. Cut the poor bastard up like Swiss cheese and spread him across 20 states. Thank goodness his mother identified his tattoo."

"CUT UP, WHAT……..WH…….WHO." Mike was sweating.

"Yeah, and that Sam and Vala. They're like a tag team. Sam is diabolical though. She gets guys all hot and bothered; Impresses them with her smarts, and WHAM!" Landry pounding his hand on the table. Brett, Mike and Brett all jolted.

"Hits them over the head and dumps them wherever old Doc wants them. But Vala…………

"Yeah………yeah what about Vala?" Brett was practically near panic.

"I'm sorry Mr. T, but I must mention this. I know you're sensitive about this, but he covers his head. Vala………well Mr. T would you mind showing that emblem Vala knows so well on your forehead?"

"If I must." Teal'c removes his hat and allows Brett, Mike and Bob to see his Gold emblem.

"Oh My God." Brett is chilled to the bone. Mike and Bob just shutter.

"It is a sacred mark to her. She knows it well. It was most painful to endure. I was also bald when this happened and most robust. I finally am able to grow hair on my head and increased my physical size as not to be recognized by her. She often called me _muscles_. So cruel; a pet name I suspect." Teal'c replaced his hat and bowed.

"Let's just say, she has a reputation for selling parts. And not the engine type either." Stated Landry.

Bob looked towards Jack. "Why……why didn't you tell us sooner. We could have been……..been…….

"We had to be discreet there Bob." Cam interjected. "if we let on, that you were marks, it would have been all over. You guys are lucky we got here when we did. I hate to think what would of happened."

"But……..but we heard you Cam or Mitchell, or whatever your name is. Me and Brett about the action, the commando thing……..thing."

"That was code there Brett, for the dames are in the house." Said Cam.

_Oh, I've got to sell this to TV_. Thought Cam.

"Indeed." Teal'c continued eating wings, which he was getting on a regular basis from a friendly waitress.

"Now boys, I don't want you to make any sudden moves when they come out." Landry looked around, pretending to scan the room. "Jack and his men will escort them out, while we debrief you and find what state will take you. Jack I hope you can protect these men. Those three will try to escape and harm them if they get loose."

"What?……..what?……Bob?…….we……..we can't…….

"Don't worry gentlemen. We've only last the one case. We didn't take them seriously when they said they would be back. They tracked those poor bastards like prey. Didn't let up until we found them, or pieces of them. We still don't know who the other two where. They like them in three's you know. Sick…….real sick."

"You…..you've got to protect us Jack. We…….we don't want any trouble. You've got to protect us _man_."

"Don't panic their Mike." Said Jack. "They can smell fear on a man. Bob you seem like the leader of this bunch. Maybe you can bait them to come out. We got ……….

Jack started pointing out the men in the suits Landry brought in.

"Well, enough to contain them for awhile. Sir, did you bring in the Van?"

"Now…….now wait a minute. We just ………we're innocent bystanders here. I……..I think we need to go. I don't want any part of this." Stated Bob nervously.

"Why of course Jack." Ignoring Bob. "This isn't my first case with them. After so many trips, you think I'd get it right by now."

"Wait, if Bob is the leader, why do we need to go anywhere. We ………we were just following him. They…….they won't come after us, will they?"

"You traitors." Bob was furious.

"Hey, every man for himself. You wanted the blonde. You can have all of them. Mike and I don't need this. I have a nice business here."

"Well……..said Daniel. I think we should use all of them Sir. They're pretty intelligent and dangerous. If two are missing, they will think something's up. I mean, they did say that they were _their woman_."

"I take it back……..I take it back. You guys can decoy them and let us leave." Said Brett.

"No……..no that won't due." Stated Landry. "I think you guys don't understand. Are those margaritas I see?"

"Yea………yeah? Stuttered Bob.

"That's their MO; margaritas. I bet they had one sitting right in front of them too. You guys picked up on it and I bet ordered more for them."

"Yea…yeah. Stuttered Brett now.

"They draw in the guys like that. I had a couple of guys once on a case, who tried to drug their margaritas. Those guys paid the price dearly. They have some kind of immunity, but Doc picked up on it right away, said a witness."

"Wha…….what happened?" Stuttered Mike.

"They made like they were going to the ladies room. Came out and enticed the guys back to their apartment. Tried to have their way with all three woman." Landry paused for affect.

"YEAH?" Bob, Mike and Brett said in unison.

"When we found them, well Jack, Mitchell. Mr. Daniel you told me it was a Zatack attack."

"Uh, yes; Zatack attack…….that would be an attack, it gives the victims a electrical shock before the finally lose consciousness. Sometimes they can shoot them two to three times and ………..well the third time they evaporate. Nothing but dust on the floor, or goop, whichever is easier to clean up."

Bob, Mike and Brett turned white as a sheet.

"Jack you and your men are in charge of making sure they don't leave before those women come out before we're ready. I don't want the same mess you've seem to get yourself in."

"Mawh?"

"Yes, you seem to ooze trouble when troubles around. Mr. T. I understand if you want to sit this one out. You just got your hair back." Stated Landry with a convincing concern on his face.

"I will be brave Sir. I do it to protect those who do not know any better."

"That's the spirit Mr. T.; that's the spirit. I hope you gentlemen realize how much Mr. T would do to protect the innocent."

"Indeed." Teal'c looked at the three if he would love to tear their arms off.

Landry looked at Teal'c eating chicken wings still. "Say; do they have those in spicy?"

**TBC**


	19. Chapter 19

Vala was looking around their surroundings. "You know somehow these margaritas seem to make this bathroom look better."

"As long as were not eating here, is fine by me." Stated Sam.

"Well, this is all nice and cozy guys, but I bet my father is already here. I don't want to look out and see WWlll going on."

"Oh Carolyn you worry to much. Plus we have a natural spy at our availability…….and here she is."

The waitress had entered, carrying a tray of drinks.

"Hi guys, here's three more margaritas, and heads up. There are some guys in suits that showed up with an older guy. He looks official and he's been talking to your friends."

Carolyn immediately approached the waitress. "Oh god, what's the older guy doing?"

"Well, not trying to be nosy, but I delivered some more wings to tall and handsome, and overheard something about you three being dangerous."

All three women were surprised. "_WHAT_?"

"Well something about one of you being a Doctor and doing something in 20 states. But whatever the older guy said, it made our resident slime balls go white as sheets.'

"REEEALLY." Again Carolyn, Vala and Sam answered.

"Well, thank you dear, we'll take it from here." Vala masterfully scooted the waitress out.

Vala had her back to the door. "Seeee. I told you don't underestimate your father. Though I would like to know about the 20 states thing you did Carolyn."

"I haven't done anything in 20 states…… that I know of."

"Now Carolyn, I'm pretty sure there's a good explanation." Surmised Sam. "But let's look at this as part of our mission. Obviously your dad has made those three bugs squirm and the guys most be in on it, so lets go out and see what happens."

"Sam's right Carolyn. We can't stay in the bathroom forever, and I think someone is going to get a _little_ suspicious that margaritas are being delivered to the bathroom."

"Well ladies, we are going into the twilight zone, via General Landry." Sam speaking in an English accent. "I say, why don't we carry on, and off with their heads." Crossing her hand across her throat.

Vala and Carolyn looked at Sam as if she had a little too much to drink.

You know Sam; no more pink margaritas for you." Vala took her glass.

"Ok…ok. Well ladies lets just play it by ear. I'm sure we can handle anything thrown our way, and don't forget, it for a good cause." Said Sam.

Vala chimed in. "You mean humiliating those dead beats, till they beg for mercy."

"Yep." Both Sam and Carolyn nodding yes.

Sam grabbed her margarita from Vala. "Let's toast to their downward spiral into oblivion or whatever comes first."

_Klink_

_Klink_

_Klink_

* * *

Landry's radio crackled in. "Sir, Pelham 1, 2 and 3 are on their way out. According to our sources."

"Play it cool gentlemen." Stated Landry. "I'll be close and like I said, Jack and his men will protect you."

"Now wait a min………….

Jack moved closer. "Shhhh Bob. One wrong move and it could get ugly, for all of you. Uhmm……..uh here they come."

Carolyn, Sam and Vala moved over towards the table, smiling seductively. Sam immediately noticed the four men in black suits.

_Isn't that SG4? Oh, this better be good General._

"Oh, good you're still here Mike. I was just telling my friends that Mike is a keeper. I can't believe we almost thought you guys were nerds. I like my boyfriends cute and cuddly."

Mike gulped and was starting to sweat even more. "Carolyn……hehehe you know, I have to get up early tomorrow and I was thinking maybe a……..a rain check is in order."

Vala had already picked up on the three men's nervousness. Vala started running her finger down Brett's nose. "Darling, you are positively adorable. I bet going back to your place will be nice and cozy."

Sam chimed in leaning over to Bob. "Oh, the nights just beginning and Bob, we except your invite. I know we are just going to have loads of fun." Sam looked towards Jack. "Vala was right, the more the merrier; hmmmm?"

"Ah…….ah, Mike is right, you know we probably should take a rain check. We forgot that we only have one car and Mike is the designated driver. We……we just hate to leave you ladies, but I'm sure Jack or Cam or any of these guys would be happy to stay and buy you another round of drinks." Stated Bob, while his leg was tapping nervously.

"Oh, no…..no we insist you stay there Bob. It's really rude to buy a girl drinks and leave. I think you owe them a little of your time tonight. After all, the night is young and we have all the time in the world." Jack smiled.

_You idiot, were trying to get rid of them. _Bob and Mike thought. Brett seemed to be terrified of any thought at the moment.

"Jack here is right." Cam slapping him on the back. "I heard one of you are a Doc or something; isn't that right Daniel?"

"Huh……uh yeah. I'm sure we would all benefit from a little loving care or being examined, or something like that."

Both Cam and Jack gave Daniel a side perplexed look. Daniel hunched his shoulder. "Well something doctor…ish."

_You really are bad at this aren't you space monkey. _Thought Jack.

"You know I have my Doctors bag in the car." Interupted Carolyn. "I could really show you guys how a Doctor operates."

Mike's right eye starting blinking uncontrollably. Bob's right leg started shaking more and Brett was near cationic.

"Mike darling, is something in your eye? You should let Carolyn take a look. I don't know what she can do, but she's real good about taking care of something like that."

Mike was about to pass out, when General Landry stepped in. "Alright ladies the jig is up. We know who you are and these guys were going to be your next victims."

Vala smiled at the General. "Well…well…well. Look ladies it's our old nemesis. Now why would you think these guys are victims. Bob, Mike and Brett were just showing us a good time."

"Yeah, we weren't going to do anything to them. Just ask Carolyn." Said Sam.

Carolyn leaned back, brushing her hair out of her face. "Now what would I do to them, that I don't always do to men like Mike?" Carolyn winked at her father.

"Remember the parts in twenty states? Trying to make this twenty one…..Doc?"

"Parts? Carolyn asked.

"You know how you left that guy in parts in twenty states. His poor mother only had a tattoo to identify him with. Thank goodness it said _mother_."

Vala and Sam picked up on Bob and his cronies nervousness on the mention of body parts.

"Oh Caroylnnnnn; I thought you said only 19. We had no idea that she did twenty states."

"You are always spoil our fun Mr. Landry." Sam figured what the hell, go for it. "Bob and Brett you don't believe we were going to hurt you, do you? Sam smiled at both men and they were starring back at all three women in disbelief.

Bob started to get up to leave. Brett was close behind, while Mike had passed out.

"I'm out of here. We…….we don't want any part of this. We…..we want to go, NOW." Bob almost turned over the table getting up.

"Sorry guys, but we have to locate you out of town." Landry motioned over his men in black suits. "Get the van ready. I think these guys need their final briefing. Take their clothes, ID, anything that these ladies could trace. Bring the van around for transportation. Jack I want you to be in charge of re locating these guys."

"Now…….now wait a minute, we…you have no right to take anything from……

Carolyn interrupted. "Now Bob, I'm disappointed in you. You told us you wanted to take us back to your place. At least Mike……nudging his unconscious body. "At least Mike wants to stay and play with us. I don't like those who don't want to stay and play."

Landry continued to put the pressure on. "Yeah, like you did to those other two guys that you wanted to play with. At least you could do was leave a trace of what you did to them. I get tired of you ladies escaping and run your house of fun."

"Well Brett, you bought us drinks and everything." Vala winked. "Now what's a women to think when a man does that? I just may have to spank you for that."

Brett winced. Bob moved back a couple of steps seeing Sam staring at him.

Sam stood up to be close to Bob. "Now Bobbsy wobsy." Sam started running her fingers down Bobs shirt. "My friends and I want to play, and Mr. Landry is no obstacle to us when we find what we want. We don't like our pre……I mean our guys to get away from us. It doesn't sit well with us. Does it ladies?"

Both Carolyn and Vala smiled and evil grin. And nodded oh, so slow.

_Oh, I've got to see if this a movie here_. Thought Cam.

_Man this is good. I need some popcorn._ Thought Jack.

_Sam…….Carolyn? Vala maybe, but Sam and Carolyn?_ Thought Daniel.

_I believe that waitress is winking at me._ Thought Teal'c.

**TBC**


	20. Chapter 20

The four men in suits gathered around the table, forming a impressive perimeter wall around the group. General Landry turned to the three men, who had obviously been scared out of their wits.

Jack was enjoying every minute of these guys torture. "Ok guys, strip." Looking down at Mike's unconscious body. "Well; two of you anyway."

"Wait…….wait a minute, we're not doing any such thing." Stated Bob.

Cam interrupted. "Oh, I think you better listen to old Jack here. You guys are going to need a whole new identity, new clothes, new place to live………

"I….I can't relocate. I've got……..a……a business here, loyal customers." Stated Brett.

"Would you rather have loyal stalkers?" Stated Landry.

"Hey we resent that. We were about to have a little fun with these guys and you always spoil it." Pouted Vala.

"I think that's enough out of you Vala. We have the goods on you." Stated Daniel. Everyone looked at Daniel, as if he was _late _for the party.

"Well at least let us have one last round of margaritas before were hauled off." Said Sam, smiling. "After all we can't let those drinks go to waist."

Landry looked at Carolyn as if on cue. "I just want my Doctor bag before we go."

Brett and Bob immediately started stripping down to their underwear. The bar patrons were riveted to the table with the group. It seemed like they were watching a side show and the drinks and wings continued to flow as the drama played out.

"One of you men take the _out _cold guy's clothes." Stated Landry. "Bring them outside, we'll deal with them in a few minutes. I just hope you men appreciate the time and effort to contain these women. If I was you, I thank my lucky stars that no one else finds out. Who knows what implications would come up if you told anyone what happened here today."

"But……but…….we're in a bar. Everyone's heard already."

Teal'c stood up, turned to the patrons, and turned on his most stoic presence.

"THERE IS NOTHING TO BE SEEN HERE. THERE ARE NO UNDRESSED MEN. THE WINGS WILL BE ON THE HOUSE AND PAID FOR BY THESE MEN. WHO YOU DO NOT KNOW."

"YEEEEAAAHHH…….WOOOO HOOOOO…….YEAH BABY…..

Teal'c sat down and continued eating his wings.

"You……..you…….can't…….

Brett almost continued his rant, when Teal'c stopped in mid eating to give a deadly stare to both men. It had it's effect.

Landry turned to both men "Consider this a lesson gentlemen. If no one knows you....pointing to Sam, Carolyn and Vala. "Then they can't trace you. It's hard to keep them locked up all the time. We're kind getting tired of trying to catch them. Budget cuts and all. It takes a lot of time and money just to keep these men and Jack's cronies on the payroll."

"Well gents, escort these men to the van. We'll take care of these ladies, hopefully once and for all." Stated Jack.

"Oh, were going to miss you fellas" Winked Vala. "We were so close ladies, so close."

"Yeah, maybe next time we…….I mean maybe we'll look you up." Sam looking at Bob like a predator.

"Mike is out; I wonder if he needs a Doctor?" Starring at Mike.

"GET US OUT OF HERE; NOW……..NOW." Bob made bee line towards the door. The men in black just grabbed him, and Brett. Mike was dragged behind them and a black van was seen pulling up."

"WAIT." Carolyn sauntered over to the men in black. Carolyn whispered something in one of the men's ears. One of the men Carolyn knew was a med technician and whispered something about dosage. As he nodded, Carolyn waved goodbye to Brett and Bob.

Bob and Brett started shaking as they were escorted out, while Brett had one last word.

"WHAT DID SHE SAY……..NO…….NO…….WHAT DID SHE SAY?"

It was the last words echoed as they went thru the door.

Everyone in the bar just starred for a few moments, looked towards Teal'c and continued their orders of hot wings ordered on Bob, Mike and Brett's credit cards.

**TBC**


	21. Chapter 21

"I do enjoy the finer things in life Carter, and that has got to be the most fun I've had in a long time." Smirked Jack.

"Sam, I have to hand it to you. You ladies are the masters. How in the hell did you get the General involved?"

"Now a girl never sips Margaritas and tells Cam." Smiled Vala.

Daniel shaking his head. "I for one don't believe what went down."

"That's the problem with you space monkey. You don't see fun when it's starring you in the face."

Carolyn was starring out at the door. "I wonder what my father is doing out there?"

"Probably making sure those bums, don't come back to this bar or country." Added Cam.

"Indeed."

* * *

Mike was still unconscious, laying on the floor, while Bob and Brett, only in their underwear, were sitting on the benches in the van. Both men were shivering and the men in suits had their hands trained on their weapons. The back doors to the van opened and General Landry stepped in, closing the doors behind him.

As he was about to speak, his cell phone rang. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY GOT AWAY? I TOLD YOU JACK I WAS ONLY GOING TO BE A MINUTE. I DON'T CARE IF THEY WENT TO THE LADIES ROOM. YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO SECURE THEM THIS TIME.

Bob and Brett suddenly went white as sheets again as they listened intently at Landry's tirade.

"HOT SAUCE! WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY USED THE HOT WING SAUCE AS A WEAPON? UH HUH…….UH HUH. DID THEY GET THE WING OUT OF HIM? YES….YES…..YES. WHAT ABOUT THE MARGARITA DRINKS? UH HUH…….UH HUH. THAT BAD HUH. DID YOU TRY PICKING THE GLASS PIECES OUT OF HIS HAND? UH HUH…….UH HUH. WENT RIGHT THRU THE VEST TOO; DID IT? WHERE ARE THE OTHER TWO?

Mike awoke briefly and he saw Bob and Brett sweating and shaking.

"WELL HOW THE HELL DID SHE GET TO HER DOCTOR BAG?

Mike passed out again.

"GOT THERE DOCUMENTS AND ID DID THEY? UH HUH……YEAH, WELL I TOLD YOU THAT WOULD HAPPEN. NO…NO I WON'T HOLD YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR SAFETY ANYMORE. IT'S OUT OF OUR HANDS IF THEY'VE ESCAPED."

Brett threw up. Bob was about to.

"DAMN; NO……JUST ONE OF THEM MADE A MESS IN THE VAN. UH HUH…….UH HUH. WELL GET YOUR MEN OUT OF THERE JACK. MR. T MUST BE VERY UPSET. THAT MUST OF REALLY HURT HIM. I KNOW……I KNOW. SHAME TO, FIRST TIME I'VE SEEN HIM HAPPY IN AWHILE."

Bob threw up.

"I HAVE TO DUMP THEM SOMEWHERE. CAN'T RISK THEM FINDING THEM. YEAH……YEAH. TRANSPORT……WHAT?

Landry turned his back on the almost unconscious men.

"No……I'm to old to do that to anyone Jack. I never could look at my dog after being natured. Uh huh…..Uh huh. Dr. Kevorkian is dead you idiot. Ok……ok. I'll be heading out. Huh? I don't know, maybe Iran."

Landry hung up his cell phone. "Men, it's time to go. We have a situation, ah, I mean; we need to leave the area, ASAP.

Bob finally found his voice, though high pitched. "Wha……you…….you have to protect us. We…….I can't go home, they'll find me."

"Oh, you overheard, I forgot. Well, we have no more place to go for you guys. I mean we did our duty. Now it's out of our hand. Maybe the local authorities can help. I…..I mean if you feel comfortable they'll protect you."

"No….no……no, I have to get out of here." Stuttered Bob.

"Well what about your two friends there. They don't look well." Said Landry.

"I don't give a rat's ass about them. You need to get me out of here."

"Mmmmm……..scarrrrrrr."

"Oh shut up Mike. Brett your on your own. I'm out of here."

One of the suited men spoke up. "Sir, if I may?"

"Go ahead son." Stated Landry, knowing SG4 knew some of the information about these guys motives.

"The one they called Doc informed me before we left the establishment that she would get even one day. I don't think she meant us sir. I think we should drop them off at the locals and leave sir. Who knows what they will do by waiting and take us out. I have a family sir."

"Yes, yes, I know son. Well, I say we drop you guys off. May help if you see the local clergy. Last rites or confession you know."

"Wha………. Bob was speechless.

"There's a church a couple of blocks down the road sir. Sanctuary is always the best place. Those ladies would never think to look for you there. You know being holy and all." Stated Landry.

"Ye……yes…….yes. Please the church, the church. Pleeeease." Brett begged from the van floor.

"Alright gents. Men, take them to the church. Maybe a little soul confession will keep the women away from them. They tend to leave the priesthood alone. Might think of a new profession gentlemen."

Mike was still unconscious. Brett and Bob just starred at Landry.

"Well anyway; men take them to the church. I'm sure at this early hour, someone is waiting. And good luck to you."

Landry dropped from the back of the van. As he closed the doors, the shadow of the doors were forever closed, and the van took off down to the nearest Sanctuary.

_Oh Carolyn you owe me big time. Big, big time. _ As Landry was returning to the bar.

TBC


	22. Chapter 22

Carolyn was holding her cell phone with a perplexed look on her face. Then her faced turned to shock, then confusion, and then finally humorous. She finally hung up after hearing her fathers last words.

_Oh, I'm going to owe my father big. Really big._

"Yow, Carolyn. I think you're suppose to speak into the cell phone first, before you hang up." Laughed Cam.

"Huh?......Oh, well it was a wrong number." Carolyn placed her phone down and smiled like a Cheshire cat.

Vala leaned over to whisper in Carolyn's ear. "Carolyn darling. What was that all about?"

Carolyn whispered back. "I'll tell you later."

"Well guys, that was fun. Do you ladies do this often?" Smirked Jack.

"Now General, we had everything well in hand. We just had some uninvited guest. Our operations were well in hand." Stated Sam.

"Oh, and did those scum bags know that?" Jack retorted back.

"Now what would be the fun in that my dear General Jack." Smiled Vala. We just let you guys in on it, since _Mr. T _and _Mr. Cam_ were already silent operatives."

Cam and Teal'c simply smiled. While a smiling waitress bounded over with a extra helping of spicy hot wings. Setting them right down in front of Teal'c.

"Thank you guys for that show." Stated the waitress. "I have a feeling those bums won't be back; and me and my co workers want to thank you ladies and your friends."

"Glad we could help, even though we didn't want an audience." Stated Sam. "I think this might be a chance for our _friends_ to order another good round of margaritas and some hot wings for us."

Vala chimed in. "Oh, and those credit cards…..well, I think you know what to do with those, hmmmm?"

"Oh, I think we do. By the way call me Claudia. And you big guy…….turning towards Teal'c. "You can call me anytime. The number is on the napkin." Claudia turned and left, smiling and even bigger smile at Teal'c.

All eyes were on Teal'c, who looked at the number on the napkin, tucked it in his coat pocket and smiled as he gathered the basket of chicken wings to himself, daring anyone to touch them and ate happily.

"Well…….Anywho…….Carter, Vala and my dear Miss Carolyn. We were glad to help, and certainly you must tell me how your father the good General was involved in all this?"

"A women never kisses and tells General Jack, and we three, under torture and more margaritas, are not giving up any information." Stated Vala.

Daniel was staring at Vala for a few minutes before he started to say something. "Ah……what…….never mind."

"Well General, well the night is young and we're just getting started." Sam said seductively. Jack's eyes peeked and smiled right back at Sam.

Both Vala and Carolyn caught the subtlety of Sam's offer. As Jack was about to comment, and the rest of this crew watched in anticipation. General Landry walked back in and was given a standing ovation from the entire bar. He smiled and bowed graciously. He continued on to his so called elite teams table.

He smiled at Carolyn mischievously and crossed his arms. "You know, I haven't had that much fun since Jack and I were in the Philippines at a bar just north of the Sibuyan sea."

Everyone looked towards Jack. "Uh, Hank…….that…..is classified." Jack giving Landry the eye.

"Oh General do tell." Smiled Sam.

"Oh, I have lots of stories about Jack and our adventures there. Matter of fact my dear Chief of my medical staff. That's were I met your mother."

"Daaaaaaaad." Carolyn was a little embarrassed.

"Oh, Carolyn, it just that you mother gave Jack the riot act for messing in her business. Your mother is quit the tough lady and oh, so gracious. I tell you she made me and Jack once sit butt nak……..

"Ix nay on the island nay." Jack seemed a little nervous and Sam and the rest were enjoying seeing the great Jack O'Neill squirm for once. Sam especially.

"Dad maybe this is a conversation best left for another time, hmm."

Landry was smiling back at Jack. He grabbed Carolyn's hand. "Well maybe you're right." Patting her hand. "Besides……..I think you and your _cronies_ handled yourselves pretty good. I can see why you wanted to saaay….._punish _those three."

"Yes Sir; it seems that Bob, Mike and Brett were a problem here in the bar. It just so happened they found us three." Sam smiled. "Big…..big mistake, eh ladies?"

All three women laughed out loud. Vala exclaimed. "High fives ladies.

_Smack_

_Smack_

_Smack_

_God, Sam looks hot. _Thought Jack.

_Carolyn is so beautiful. _Thought Cam

_She really is beautiful when she smiles. _Thought Daniel_._

_My little girl is not a little girl anymore. _Thought Landry.

_Claudia…..Claudia……her name is Claudia. _Thought Teal'c.

"So, where do we go from here ladies? I'm getting a little bored around this place." Huffed Vala.

"I'm with Vala Carolyn." Stated Sam. "You think there are more barmaids that need rescuing from Tom, Dick and Harry?"

"I thought there names were Bob, Mike and Brett?"

"There all Tom, Dick and Harry's Vala. They all are." Smiled Sam.

"Hey; I resent that." Jack shaking his head.

"Yeah Sam." Cam crossed his arms. "We played along so you girls had an opportunity to figure them out."

"I think the credit mostly goes to Carolyn's father guys." Said Sam smiling.

"Yep." Said Vala nodding her head.

"She's got you there Jack." Stated Daniel, while pushing his glasses up on his nose smiling.

"Oh, like you were a big help Daniel. You and your _Doctor... thingy_. Whooooo." Jack flaying his hands.

All three women looked at Daniel perplexed. Daniel sat back in his chair holding his hand up. "Don't ask………just… don't ask."

"Well Jack, for once you are outwitted and out flanked. And I for one would like to invite you Carolyn, Col Carter and Vala out for a nice dinner." Smiled Landry.

"Well I'm game. I'm not on call and Sam and Vala have a few days off. What you do you say ladies? Dinner with a handsome and distinguished General."

Both Vala and Sam looked at each other, before turning to Landry.

"WE'RE IN."

"Heeeey, what about us?" Jack pointing his head toward all the men.

"I'm sorry Jack, no guys allowed. This is strictly a private club and before you saaaay anything _Jack. _I thought it be my chance to _finally_ show my appreciation to those fine women behind our elite team. Your cronies will have to be out on your own for once." Landry stood up.

"Now if you'll excuse us." Landry extended his arm and Carolyn, Sam and Vala stepped out from the table and grabbed on to one another, arm and arm. "Dinner and Cherri's is waiting. I have connections." Smiled Landry.

"My hero." Smiled Vala.

"Lead the way Sir." Sam smiled back at Jack.

"Thanks Dad."

Landry patted Carolyn's hand Landry began escorting the ladies out. As they made their way to the door. Once again the entire bar stood up with a standing ovation for Landry, Carolyn, Sam and Vala. They all bowed graciously, and made their way out of the bar.

Jack, Cam, Daniel and Teal'c, still eating wings, sat back and watched the amazing display of adoration by the bar patrons. All of them shaking their heads in amazement, while Teal'c received more wings from Claudia.

Jack finally huffed. "Well, gentlemen. Looks like were on our own. What do you say. Drinks are on me."

Daniel interjected. "I believe the drinks are _free _Jack, per certain credit cards."

"Spoil sport."

"We'll since I'll draw back a nub if I even attempt to join Teal'c the bottomless pit." Said Cam. "I think I'll order for us. Barbeque or spicy guys?"

Before anyone had a chance to answer. Three women from the bar area walked over to their table.

In their most sultriest voices. "So you guys come here often?"

_Wink_

_Wink_

_Wink_

_Oh boy. _Thought Daniel.

_Maaaan. _Thought Cam.

_I wonder if the General can save us? _Thought Jack.

Teal'c looked up to see all three women.

_I wonder if I could get a order of Margarita's? _

The End

A/N: I hope everyone enjoyed and I had a ball making fun of my favorite drink and my favorite SG1 women.


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